You Drive me crazy

Driving around Japan is a frightful thing

First off they all drive on the wrong side of the road. And have their steering wheels on the wrong side of the car. How long have I lived here and am still getting used to that? Which side of the car am I on again?
But by far the most frightening thing is turning in traffic. Especially right turns. In America, right turns are allowed even when most lights are red. This is because you rarely disrupt the flow of traffic when you turn right. I mean of course you yield to those who have the right of way. But the point I am trying to make is that right turns in America interfere with no other lanes, you cross no other lanes, you needn't wait for a break in the on coming traffic to go, and lights more or less don't pertain to you. In Japan, that would be the left lane. The right hand turn is now the most dreaded thing. It went from the easiest thing in the world to scaring the poop out of me with the constant reminder that Japan doesn't know how to regulate their roads correctly.

So then with that right hand turn with left-hand mentality thing going for me, you would then think that 'Oh, that would make the left-hand turn a right-hand mentality right?' Wrong. They don't allow you to make left hand turns at red lights. But wait, you thought that well that is a bummer. They change the rules and make it harder and more frustrating right with waiting for the lights? Wrong again. They also do their damndest to make it more confusing. You see there are these blue and white signs with arrows on them that indicate the flow of traffic for the lane you are in. Now if that is a blue sign with a white arrow as they normally are, that means you have the no go. You have to wait like everybody else, or like normal Japanese rules of traffic dictate. BUT if you have a white sign with a blue arrow, you can proceed, yielding to whatever traffic that has the right of way in the process of course, any damn time you please. What.

And then there are the highways. Oh boy I love the highways. They were probably constructed by the most illogical person ever. First of all they give you too much information about where the roads lead. For example, there are two exit ramps which then cross again later so then the following sign will show something like a nose-diving Jesus fish and hope that you will understand which one you are meant to take.
There is one convenient things about these signs. If it is electronic, it will often have displayed for you which route has heavy traffic in case you have an alternate route in mind. Japan is actually really good with their electronic maps and boards that will tell you the weather and traffic conditions along the highways and in major towns appearing every so often.
One last good thing, is that along the highways are rest stops. And when I say rest stop, Japan completely redefines rest stops with convenience stores, multiple restaurants, local goods store, shower areas, sleeping areas, sometimes a malls, the highest tech most cleanly bathrooms. Which, if I am going to be paying that much to use the highway, at least they give us this...

But back to the expressways being frustrating. The highways are not exactly numbered (some have numbers, but no one really knows them and not all the signs use them), they don't necessarily go North to South or East to West, and they have names that may or may not change at points. How you navigate them is you pretty much just have to have the idea of where you are going and then sprinkle a bit of flu power on the road and then a magical unicorn will appear dashing alongside a bunch of dolphins showing you the direction you need to go.
But really. You do have to know relatively where you are going. You also have to know just about every stop on the way. You pretty much get on the highway and then head to a major city that is sort of in the direction of where you intend to go. For example, if I leave Kyoto and want to go to Mount Fuji, I will get on the expressway and then I will have the choices of Nagoya or Osaka. I will choose Nagoya, as it is closer to my destination. Traveling on further I will have another choice once I reach Nagoya, or perhaps I will have a junction and a whole other expressway to merge into or choose from either way I would have to know to head toward a sign labeled Nagano and then on to Tokyo or something in a similar direction and get off when I come across the right town exit (Fujisanyoshida) located between the two major cities (Nagano and Tokyo).

Infuriatingly enough, Japan makes you really pay and arm and a leg for this experience too. Their toll roads do no come cheap. There are times you can use them for cheap, mainly between the times 10pm and 6am. Evidently even if you are only express way only a few minutes during this time, you qualify. Though this might only be if you are clocked in at one of the station during these times. Meaning if you pass the ETC scanner and it marks your progression to another part of the highway or the start or end of your journey. I am unsure about these exact rules. But it is supposedly a pretty nice discount. I think half. Well anyways. Using my example from earlier, to go from Kyoto to Fuji is 3,600 yen and then again to go back. This is on top of gas and parking fees. It makes you wonder why anyone would ever buy a car with prices like that. Especially because their public transportation is so good and they have buses and tours going everywhere at every time of day. Cars are really considered a luxury that they love to make sure you pay fro the privilege of owning.
Speaking of luxury and owning cars, it is sort of popular to have foreign cars here. I talking about having your American car shipped over here. It shows a bit of status to have a steering wheel on the correct side of the car. They even cater to these people for the highways as well by having ticket windows along what would for them be the passenger side of the car. There is a special lane dedicated to it even.

And that....that is what it means to drive in Japan.