Salty Melons

Now there is a conflict of interest. 

And Japan is all over it. They actually think me weird for not putting salt on my watermelon slices. It is actually so common for them to eat watermelons with salt that they even sell them next to each other in grocery stores. I can't even be certain if they are aware of the goodness of watermelons without salt. But perhaps it is something you need to grow up with to just accept it like that. Like eating natto for breakfast everyday or raw fish that some people in the West are squeamish about. 

I was over at a Japanese home earlier this summer and the home owner noticed I was about to bite into a nice juicy-to-the-point-of-dripping watermelon an reaches over and salts it for me.

...Uh Thanks? I guess?

Watermelon ruined. Or so I thought. I won't claim it was good. Or that I was necessarily in favor of this new disaster. But it wasn't as terrible as I thought. I can't accurately describe its sensation, just that it reminded me a lot of Gatorade and much less of succulent watermelons. I recommend you try it only to be able to describe it better than myself. And if your hand just can't force itself with salt upon a poor unsuspecting watermelon, have a little old Japanese lady come over and help you with that. 

You Drive me crazy

Driving around Japan is a frightful thing

First off they all drive on the wrong side of the road. And have their steering wheels on the wrong side of the car. How long have I lived here and am still getting used to that? Which side of the car am I on again?
But by far the most frightening thing is turning in traffic. Especially right turns. In America, right turns are allowed even when most lights are red. This is because you rarely disrupt the flow of traffic when you turn right. I mean of course you yield to those who have the right of way. But the point I am trying to make is that right turns in America interfere with no other lanes, you cross no other lanes, you needn't wait for a break in the on coming traffic to go, and lights more or less don't pertain to you. In Japan, that would be the left lane. The right hand turn is now the most dreaded thing. It went from the easiest thing in the world to scaring the poop out of me with the constant reminder that Japan doesn't know how to regulate their roads correctly.

So then with that right hand turn with left-hand mentality thing going for me, you would then think that 'Oh, that would make the left-hand turn a right-hand mentality right?' Wrong. They don't allow you to make left hand turns at red lights. But wait, you thought that well that is a bummer. They change the rules and make it harder and more frustrating right with waiting for the lights? Wrong again. They also do their damndest to make it more confusing. You see there are these blue and white signs with arrows on them that indicate the flow of traffic for the lane you are in. Now if that is a blue sign with a white arrow as they normally are, that means you have the no go. You have to wait like everybody else, or like normal Japanese rules of traffic dictate. BUT if you have a white sign with a blue arrow, you can proceed, yielding to whatever traffic that has the right of way in the process of course, any damn time you please. What.

And then there are the highways. Oh boy I love the highways. They were probably constructed by the most illogical person ever. First of all they give you too much information about where the roads lead. For example, there are two exit ramps which then cross again later so then the following sign will show something like a nose-diving Jesus fish and hope that you will understand which one you are meant to take.
There is one convenient things about these signs. If it is electronic, it will often have displayed for you which route has heavy traffic in case you have an alternate route in mind. Japan is actually really good with their electronic maps and boards that will tell you the weather and traffic conditions along the highways and in major towns appearing every so often.
One last good thing, is that along the highways are rest stops. And when I say rest stop, Japan completely redefines rest stops with convenience stores, multiple restaurants, local goods store, shower areas, sleeping areas, sometimes a malls, the highest tech most cleanly bathrooms. Which, if I am going to be paying that much to use the highway, at least they give us this...

But back to the expressways being frustrating. The highways are not exactly numbered (some have numbers, but no one really knows them and not all the signs use them), they don't necessarily go North to South or East to West, and they have names that may or may not change at points. How you navigate them is you pretty much just have to have the idea of where you are going and then sprinkle a bit of flu power on the road and then a magical unicorn will appear dashing alongside a bunch of dolphins showing you the direction you need to go.
But really. You do have to know relatively where you are going. You also have to know just about every stop on the way. You pretty much get on the highway and then head to a major city that is sort of in the direction of where you intend to go. For example, if I leave Kyoto and want to go to Mount Fuji, I will get on the expressway and then I will have the choices of Nagoya or Osaka. I will choose Nagoya, as it is closer to my destination. Traveling on further I will have another choice once I reach Nagoya, or perhaps I will have a junction and a whole other expressway to merge into or choose from either way I would have to know to head toward a sign labeled Nagano and then on to Tokyo or something in a similar direction and get off when I come across the right town exit (Fujisanyoshida) located between the two major cities (Nagano and Tokyo).

Infuriatingly enough, Japan makes you really pay and arm and a leg for this experience too. Their toll roads do no come cheap. There are times you can use them for cheap, mainly between the times 10pm and 6am. Evidently even if you are only express way only a few minutes during this time, you qualify. Though this might only be if you are clocked in at one of the station during these times. Meaning if you pass the ETC scanner and it marks your progression to another part of the highway or the start or end of your journey. I am unsure about these exact rules. But it is supposedly a pretty nice discount. I think half. Well anyways. Using my example from earlier, to go from Kyoto to Fuji is 3,600 yen and then again to go back. This is on top of gas and parking fees. It makes you wonder why anyone would ever buy a car with prices like that. Especially because their public transportation is so good and they have buses and tours going everywhere at every time of day. Cars are really considered a luxury that they love to make sure you pay fro the privilege of owning.
Speaking of luxury and owning cars, it is sort of popular to have foreign cars here. I talking about having your American car shipped over here. It shows a bit of status to have a steering wheel on the correct side of the car. They even cater to these people for the highways as well by having ticket windows along what would for them be the passenger side of the car. There is a special lane dedicated to it even.

And that....that is what it means to drive in Japan.

Foodies of Japan

Japan is full of foodies. Pretty much everyone is a foodie here.

Every time someone goes somewhere special, even if it is the next town over, you will get food. These little rice cracker omiyages or a sweet cookie flavored in that cities famed orange flavoring. As you might know here, every city is 'famous' for something. And many cities just so happen to be famed for exceedingly similar if not identical things.

But beyond the little food culture presents, everyone here is forever taking photos of their food. You will always know a Japanese tourist in any country if they are the ones taking about 20 pictures of their dinner plates while it grows cold. Turning it different angles trying to get the light and the shutter frame exactly perfect to best accent their delicious dish. And then they might even proceed to whip out their phone to take a few more to upload them to facebook or mixi or whatever other social network they are using.

And then. Then there are the mangoes that cost 20-30 dollars per mango. Or the melons, the cantaloupes that are upwards of 50 dollars or some even nearing 100. Just for a single, solitary, individual, normal sized melon. These melons and mangoes are thought to be perfectly shaped and perfectly colored and the perfect gift. I cannot attest to the taste of them and I almost wonder if anyone actually eats them or just has them rotting on display as a look what perfect amazing melons I have (jokes intended). I also have never seen anyone buy them, which begs the question, what does the store do when the melons and mangoes start to go soft and over ripen? Do they just get placed with the other fruits? Do they go on discount? Perhaps this is all just an elaborate scheme to garner more money by the grocery stores who just switch out the melons with a more ripe one with no one the wiser, because honestly, who really looks and measures how perfectly their melon is shaped? I can say this for the stores though, these delectable are exceptionally carefully packaged and preserved with the best efforts, placed in silk lining and cradled in foam and then packaged up neatly in a nice little box. So maybe you are just buying into the appearance? Wouldn't be the first time anyone bought into appearances (one night stands, wives, material goods, plastic surgery) But who would ever want to buy into this beyond me. Additionally, when all gift wrapped up, no one will really know how much it is worth, unless they are a shapely-melon connoisseur. So my idea would be to by a nice, normal looking melon and wrap it up neatly and make people think that you spent that much on them and then bathe in their worship for your perfect choosing of melon-ness. Honestly, if you are going to spend 50 dollars buying me fruit, I am going to be expecting like a me-sized portion of bananas. Which would be undoubtedly awesome. Especially if it looked like me.

These special fruits in Japan are bought and given obviously on special occasions, perhaps to a retiring boss or to an employee who recently received a promotion, or maybe in the event of a wedding. I can't help but think of this as a way to throw money around and flaunt it. I have so much money I don't know what to do with myself, so let me buy this outrageously priced melon to flaunt it a bit. And oddly, people don't have that much money here. By far and large ( way over 50%) of the money held in Japan is by the elderly who have retired.


Korea actually has something similar to this, but with a much more reasonably priced tag. Korea will sell you boxes of spam or fruit or what have you all neatly packaged for perhaps a third or a fifth of the price. These gift boxes are much more common in their culture and are given on any number of occasions. House warming, recent holiday, home coming, new baby, hair cut. Well you get the point. But these things will normally at most cost you 30 dollars for an extremely nice set of what have you. Also their gift goods have a much wider variety: dishes, towels, spam (a crowd favorite), grapes, even toothpastes (that was a weird one to get!).

I can understand the little rice crackers from every city and prefecture, I can almost understand the food pictures, but this...This is a truly outrageous and bizarre food culture of Japan.

Feathered Friends

Owl Cafes.

This is by far one of the coolest things I have been to. They first opened up in Tokyo and very recently mere weeks or perhaps a month ago, they now have a shop in Osaka in Tenmabashi.
Lucky for me, this shop was not well advertised or known about so I could get in no problem. No ridiculous wait or reservations. But I do not expect it to stay like that for long. Once more people realize what and where it is, there will be an insurmountable surge of people coming.

So how it works is well first you either need to arrive either just before the hour, or a bit in advance to make sure to put your name on the waiting list for the next hour. You see, this cafe goes hour by hour. That's right. You have a whole hour to play with owls. Once you get inside, they will give you a few instructions, such as sanitizing your hands and where to touch the owls, and apologizing in advance if they make a mess on your clothing. I'm talking about poop. The head, neck, and back are generally ok areas for petting, but you should avoid the wings, around the eyes and the fuzzy parts of the feet. Those feet. The cutest fluffiest things ever. So ok, you have now been prepped in Owl 101. And now you need to order your drink. This is a cafe after all! You have the usual list of drink choices like coffees, juices, sodas, wine and beer.
And now! Now, you get to play with the owls. They are perched around a fenced in portion of the room. They rest along a fake grass matted perch with their legs roped to it to prevent flying away. So you can just walk up and pet any one of them. There are perhaps 9 owls of a bunch of different species for the 20 or so people allowed in per time. There are more than 9 owls of course, but some are resting and are look-only, and some are babies that are not yet trained and are blocked in by protective plastic.
You can not only pet the owls, you

can also hold them. They will rest on your arm, shoulder, or even head. The staff will help to situate you so that the owls are spaced out from one another appropriately (don't wanting them squabbling amongst themselves now do we?) and will get you the necessary gloves as needed for the larger variety of owl and will help you to appropriately grip the lead.
But what if these feathered buddies take flight? Well, if you are gripping the rope correctly, then they won't be going too far. The safe are always at a helpful distance just in case of these situations. They gently push on the owls chest and lift it to get its feet firmly back onto your arm and into an upright position. No harm done. A misconception that I had was that these beasties would be heavy, but remember they are birds and can fly, and therefore are much lighter than appearances and when they take flight it is not like a tremendous force pulling on your arm. Startling none the less, but it won't be knocking you down.
But if it flies away and you lose your grip on the lead? Well it isn't going too far the cafe is entirely enclosed and there are curtains pulled over the windows. The latter bit is necessary as if any of you have had birds would know, sometimes they just don't know what is window and what is real. So to prevent these majestic creatures from self harm and head diving straight to a window (also to prevent outside eyes from prying and try to give the place a more personal atmosphere and some mysterious allure) all the windows are blocked from view by a type of scroll curtain. And if your beastie got away, the staff are trained in that too. They merely, go fetch it, take control of the lead (which is really long so I can't imagine a situation where it would be unreachable) and cox the owl down onto their hand. It did happen more than once, and was never a problem. The owls were then returned to the people who were formerly holding them instead of being retired for the evening. Which was pretty awesome in itself that the staff did not take away from the experience. This is not to say they weren't retired after our session. But owls are birds. And birds fly. So It is nature for these guys to stretch a little.
Petting session closes about 5 minutes before your hour is up. And the staff are really polite in telling you to take your last pictures and finish your drinks and ushering you out of the fenced area. This gives the owls a break before the next session.
Once you return to your seats, you will find your drinks which are very thoughtfully covered so that no debris from battle will get inside.

Then it is time to pay up and peace out. You drink and the entirety of the session costs a total of 1000 yen. About 10 bucks. You can also peruse and purchase any of their knick knacks they have at hand, or if you are really well off and attached to one of the owls, they are for purchase as well for an incredible price.

Here is another article on the store if you want to read more on it!
http://petslady.com/articles/osaka_owl_cafe_real_hoot_63295

Do you have a moment to talk about Jesus Christ?

For whatever reason you don't escape these people when you leave the United States. And I am constantly surprised by their audaciousness. Especially in Japan.

First of all let me tell you, Japanese people like to be left alone. If you don't know them, they don't really want you to talk to them. I mean of course there are exceptions to everything. And I don't mean that if you are lost and asking them to point you in the right direction or if the next bus stop is Nijo Castle, that you will be greatly upsetting them. They are extremely polite and will most of the time be more than helpful in setting you straight. 

But if you are trying to push your religious opinions on them, it is not looked upon as favorably. Those poor Japanese women are just too polite to tell you to take a hike, so they will let whomever yammer on about all sorts of things. And will then do anything just to get you to leave them well enough alone. They will even thank you for whatever stuff you are trying to push in their hands. However, this tactic only works when you target them alone or at their homes. Otherwise, if you are a politician or a worker with you own set of flyers that you are trying to hand them at some station or other, you will get cold shouldered and brushed passed, or at the very least your flyer will be accepted only to make it into the nearest trashcan. Which is not so near. The local trashcan is actually an endangered species in Japan and is rarely found, and as such, flyers are more commonly not accepted due to the lack of dust boxes in the vicinity. 

But perhaps this is my ever more Japanese mindset speaking when I say that it is extremely rude to impose upon and accost people on the street trying to force your ideas upon them. Especially when Japan is about 70% non-religious. And the majority of the remaining percentage devote themselves to Shintoism or Buddhism, and an even smaller percentage, Christianity.

And the super weird part about these people who violate my personal space, and waste my time, and knock on my door is that they are the most persistent people you will ever meet. They really do not want to take no for an answer and will keep pushing you until you have their book or pamphlet in your hand. I had one lady try to keep pushing a book at me right when I left school one time and it was all in Japanese. It was for one of the numerous cults in Japan that parade around as religions. If you don't know what I am talking about, check out either the news from 20 years back with the Saran gas attacks on the Tokyo subway system or the recent book called 1Q84 by Haruhi Murakami, or just look on the outside of a great number of home where you see their support posters everywhere. Those large hideous pieces of paper featuring some aging, unpleasant stern looking Japanese man or less frequently, woman, that wholly detract from the nice ascetic otherwise beautiful outside appearance of the home. And it is illegal to rip them down, and still more surprising, no one ever does. Well, this lady kept pushing me and I was like 'Lady, Thank you, but no, I don't even read Japanese.' And she kept pushing and then I decided that the best mode of action would be to turn off my Japanese understanding switch, revert to English and be like ' Well I am sorry. Hope that all works out for you. I am going to get going now. Bye!' She persisted a little longer, but with me walking quickly and plainly ignoring her, her will for the chase was short lived.

Other people who are an interesting factor in Japanese frontier of the bothersome people who approach just about anyone, are the Latter Day Saints. Yeah. Apparently moving half way around the world is not far enough to be rid of them. They still come to your door too. And they train themselves to speak a bit of Japanese to convey their message to the wonderful people of Japan. Apparently, it has been said that Japan is one of their largest markets for finding followers...not that I work for a company that supports this group or anything... To spot them is rather easy, as they parade around in pairs and are pretty in-discriminant in their prey. They are more modestly rather than fashionably dressed with these little name tags which is how you can tell them apart from the masses and then know well enough the counter movements you need to make to necessarily avoid them. They will also be porting around some sort of satchel filled with the lords words or works, or pamphlets, you know, the usual marketing. And if you are happily in a relationship with God, it is not enough to persuade them because you are obviously in the wrong one. 

So the best way to avoid them is to clearly just avoid their vicinity. But what if they come to your home? This is troublesome. I just don't like opening my door for anyone who is not giving me money or not a friend. So you can spy at them from your peep hole, but in addition, not living in an apartment without an exterior gate is advisable. If you live in a gated apartment, they obviously cannot come and knock on your door, though they can ring you bell and chat with you over the intercom until you buzz them in or hang up. They know this and thus this type of building acts as a repellent for them. But if you do not live in an apartment with an exterior door to prevent unwanted people from coming into the main building, your door is fair game for them. 

Want to know just one more piece of information? If you open your door, they are allowed to come inside. At least as far as the area where shoes are acceptable are allowed. This is pretty much just the entry way. A very small area. Never the less, a frightening article to know. I have never had to deal with this personally. Most people are too polite to intrude so much. I just read up on it when I was dealing with the people from the NHK. So good luck in fending them off. Equip yourself suitably! 

Welcome to Japan

Somehow hearing this never gets old.

I just love it when walking down where ever, especially in a touristy area and a strange old Japanese man just says 'Welcome to Japan' all grandiosely. It is quite frankly really adorable. Sure I have been here for two years and counting, but I just love it. And it happens quite frequently. And it is always these little old men who are very likely retired and probably speak exactly no English with graying or white hair. They are walking along, and spot me, or any happy gaijin, and look up, afix an endearing pleasent grin to their faces and say 'Welcome to Japan' with an 'l' and not an 'r'. And it is just the most heart warming thing I have ever encountered.
There are a good many people who actually do not want us here. All the right wing crap and stuff. But these little old men are totally worth 100 of those guys.

If you ever want this to happen to you, travel in either small groups or alone. And have a happy or pleasant demeanor.

Money Matters

Japanese people are a little weird when it comes to just about everything. One of the things I have recently learned is that money is just another one of those things.

First of all. I had the grave misunderstanding of being in this exact scenario. When you open your wallet and coins, coins everywhere, just go in a downward tumult toward the floor. So what would you do to minimize the damage? You don't want these little buggers to go sprawling everywhere now. I mean sure in America it isn't so bad. What did you have? Three or Four quarters and about eight dozen pennies. Eh who cares. It is like a dollar. And you wanted those pennies gone anyways. No one will be sadder if you don' pick up two or nine of them. In fact kids love finding those little suckers. Well here too. People would love to find your coins. Since You could very easily have twenty dollars in change. In Japan the one dollar and the five dollar are in coin format so if you spill them, you could really be letting loose a very nice chunk of change. So again, what do you do?
You step on them. You aren't letting those crafty little buggers escape you, no! You need those things for this here ticket machine.
You good sir or madam have just made a grave error. That there action is nicely frowned upon by the good and gentle Japanese folk. It is very disrespectful to the money you see. And in Japan you must respect all things. So you don't step on your money. You just let it roll all over the floor and have to rely on the goodness of Japanese people to either ignore you are most often happens or the kind stranger or two who help you out and pick up a piece or two and hand it back to you. Otherwise you just have to look like a giant oaf of a dog sniffing for a place to poo chasing your money around and picking it up.

The next lesson is a subtle one. One that I am not even sure most Japanese people either know they do or why they do it. This one is much more simply and not a huge social fallacy if you neglect to partake in it. This one is simply the way you carry money around in your wallet. First off, most Japanese people don't like to fold their money, and have been tending toward those longer wallets that keep the bills crisp. Even the men. And they still stick them in their back pockets. It is like a thieves paradise. Though I mean usually there is a chain or something connecting them to a belt loop. Or that murse(man-purse) they carry around like its cool. The other thing is to put the money in your wallet head first. Meaning the head of who ever happens to be on the bill you are inserting would be diving into the riches of your wallet. That way when you take him, depending on the way you hold your wallet, he will come out facing the direction of the cashier.
I cannot even fathom why they really do this. So many silly rules for me to go and mess up about this culture